It's on.
Ok, here is the topic... Christian relationships.
Mark and I broke up. I love him dearly, and if life was perfect we would be madly in love, planning a wedding, and evangelizing the world the way Jesus would... but life isn't perfect, and I will have to deal with that.
This break up, and a few curious incidents since, have got me seriously wondering, "What the hell is wrong with Christian singles???"
First of all, Christians have this curious habit of attributing every little tiny insignificant event to the Lord of the universe. C.S. Lewis said pain was God's megaphone, but I believe the mainstream Christian considers coincidence the real megaphone. Pain is just what we go through when we aren't in His will. If a Christian feels it 'laid on his heart' to go camping, and then they end up parking next to an R.V. at Cracker Barrel, you can bet $100 that said Christian will be leaving his job and family to start a campsite ministry to reach the traveling elderly. All whims and fancies are justified in the Christian world by coincidence.
And this rule that God speaks through coincidence is most commonly seen in the world of dating. You can't find a couple in church that doesn't think that God perfectly choreographed their meeting. I haven't decided whether God plays matchmaker or not, but that isn't really the point. When you are single and Christian you automatically think that ANY Christian of the opposite sex that gets put into your life is THE ONE. No questions asked. And they don't even have to be put into your life... they could just sit across from you in Lifespan Development.
Saturday was the first day of grad school for me. This is all fine and dandy. I'm one of three 'single' (in the Christian world you are classified single until you have a wedding band) girls. There are 2 single guys (uh-oh, did God mis-count?). Well, I know now that guys don't talk to you for no reason. Guys don't just come up and introduce themselves for the fun of it. No. They are always plotting and preying on the innocent. And I think Christian guys are the worst, probably because they believe every girl is a God send. I have a 'God is amazing' conversation with Grad School Boy, and I can see it in his eyes. He is planning our wedding. I freak out. I cried all during lunch because of breaking up with Mark. This wasn't happening again. Hell NO. "You're a musician? Really? Yeah, so is my boyfriend..." I shouldn't have used Mark. I should have been ballsy enough to say, "Put the wedding planner's number down and step away from the 3-tier cake... I ain't interested"
Here is what this guy was thinking...
She is pretty enough. She is in grad school, so she can't be a complete airhead. But she does giggle alot. She uses lots of great churchy words like 'stepping out in faith', 'praising God during storms', 'we need to learn love like Jesus'... wait, is she singing a Casting Crowns song? It can't be just a coincidence that this girl is in my class... this is God's plan for my life. We will probably be missionaries, yeah she looks like a missionary. Why else would we end up in the same class, at the same school, at the same time, both dealing with the same issues in life... she is my destiny. Did she just say boyfriend? Certainly God will take care of that. I have no worries... it is all in His hands.
We exchanged numbers in case he needed help with something (his mom is a Sociology professor there... give me a break).
You are probably thinking, Marie, you are crazy. That guy is not thinking that. He may like you, but he surely isn't planning your wedding... Maybe you are right, dear reader, but listen to this...
One of my coworkers goes out to eat with friends every once in awhile, and she usually invites me. A typical outing is to Panera Bread. I just got a gift card to PB the other day from a friend. I thought "Sure, why not, I've got this card, and I don't really eat at Panera for any other reason... Count me in."
Oh, boy, what a mistake.
We get to the door of Panera. There is a sign. "Closing at 7 for training" Doesn't Grad School boy work at one of the Paneras? Didn't he mention something about training new people, and having to transfer stores? Oh, well who cares...
Holy crap, there is Grad School Boy cheesing it up behind the counter.
He may have been interested on Saturday. He is in love now. Saturday I was his potential wife. Monday I might as well register at Target. Because in a single Christian's world there is no coincidence. I couldn't just want Panera Bread. God's hand was all over this, and Grad School Boy knew it.
He comes out from behind the counter to give me a hug. Like we are best friends from elementary school, or something. I can't be rude, it isn't me, so I obliged to the hug, but it was so weird. THEN he said, "Yeah, I was going to call you Sunday?" I didn't even think, I just blurted out, "WHY?!?" And he replied, "Oh, I fell asleep." What does that mean? He must have heard "Why not?" or "Why didn't you?", but trust me, my question was, and still is, WHY???? There isn't anything to study for, the assignment that is due is a solo one... why on earth would you need to talk to me on a Sunday afternoon????
And because of his purposeful avoidance of my question, of his ability to be completely oblivious to Marie's desperate attempts to quietly scream "No, no, NO!", I know he thinks I am the one... until he meets his next Church girl prey.
I just wish Christians would quit being so desperate. | 
